I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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