Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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