please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
