Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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