i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
