First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
