it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
