So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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