I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
