Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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