I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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