why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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