I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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