people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
