I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
