How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
