It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
