i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
