The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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