imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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