You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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