Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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