My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
