I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
