Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
