you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
