Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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