I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
