Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
