I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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