you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
