He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
