My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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