I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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