You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
