Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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