I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
