I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
