I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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