Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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