she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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