Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
