So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
