you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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