In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
my liver is dry heaving
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
