Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize