THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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