Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
