remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
