If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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