Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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