Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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