life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
