I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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