don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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