tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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