Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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