This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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