Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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