i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
