guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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