i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
