ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
