Having a random hookup so left but love u
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
