saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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