Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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