Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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