He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
