Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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