I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize