He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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