I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
